Broken When I'm Lonesome
by IAmTheUltimateYaoiFanBOO
Summary: "You know, life gets better, but it gets worse if you keep cutting." "Sure, Weasley. Like I could take your word for it." She had then pulled up her robe sleeve to show Pansy several well-faded scars on her wrist. Not knowing what to say, Pansy hadn't replied.


******Pairing/Character(s):**** Pansy, Ginny**

******Genre(s):**** Angst/Hurt/Comfort/Friendship**

******Word Count (sans this):**** 1582**

******!WARNINGS!:**** If you are offended or in any way uncomfortable by self-harm (a.k.a cutting), do not read this story.**

******A.N.:**** I want to thank my awesome new beta, Yuval25. She got this done crazy fast. She helped a lot with this one and I'm glad I was able to work with her. Check her out! Songs (that I don't own) used: "Broken" by Seether ft. Amy Lee, "The Way She Feels" by Between The Trees, & "Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne**

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If Pansy could withhold her disgust and regret, she would admit that one of the best muggle creations was the music player.

She pulled the small device from her pocket and looked at it. It wasn't one of the newest ones, she'd heard. It didn't have a camera or was "hooked up to the internet." Unlike those, it was fairly small with Slytherin colors. Pansy considered changing the color because she was sick of emerald green and silver. Pushing the ear buds into her ears, she leaned against the plush seat and let the guitar sooth her.

"___She's upset, bad day_

___Heads for the dresser drawer to_

___Drive the pain away_

___Nothing good can come of this__"_

Pansy crossed her arms over her chest, as if everyone on the train could see through the thick sleeves and judge her for the mistakes donning them. She sighed and looked out the window. Looking back on it, her problems weren't as big as those of others during the War. She scowled.___Especially because some were Draco's doing_.

___No_, she scolded herself. ___You chose to do them. It's not his fault. You were pathetic._

"___Then she closed her eyes_

___Found relief in a knife_

___The blood flows as she cried__"_

Of course, they weren't all because of Draco. Pansy glanced at her left arm. When her parents had become Death Eaters... She shook her head to get rid of the memories. It didn't matter anymore. She was safe from them now.

Pansy glanced over at her compartment mate. The redhead was stretched out over the bench, holding a book above her head to read, and was quietly munching on some Chocolate Frogs.

"___He leans down to comfort her_

___She is weeping and he_

___wraps his arms around_

___And around and around_

___The deeper you cut_

___The deeper I hurt_

___The deeper you cut_

___It only gets worse__"_

The Weasley had saved her twice the previous year, the first time being during the War. Pansy had been near death battling a Death Eater when Ginny swooped in and killed him, laying Pansy down on a slab of rubble.

"This is going to hurt," she had told her. Ginny had closed her eyes and pointed her wand at Pansy's broken arm, casting the _Brackium Emendo _charm. Pansy had slapped a hand over her mouth to stop herself from screaming as the bone was snapped back into place. Ginny had opened her eyes and nodded.

"Be careful." She then ran off, leaving Pansy in pain and confused.

The second time was a year after that, when Hogwarts welcomed students with open gates once more. When Pansy went back, however, she was alone. Her "friends" had either not attended the school again or treated her like she was the plague. Especially anyone who was friends with a Gryffindor. The loneliness had consumed her and right before Christmas break, Pansy had resorted to her old habit of cutting.

Headmistress McGonagall had made the door to Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom inaccessible to students and the Room of Requirement wouldn't open for her. So Pansy went up to the Astronomy Tower and sat on the ledge, dangling her feet off the edge for a while. She pulled out the blade and started to cut over her scars. By the third or fourth cut, she couldn't remember, she could feel that she had cut too deep. Pansy tried desperately to stop the bleeding, but it was no use. At the time, no healing spells could break the wall of panic in her mind. She didn't try to scream for help as the shadows started dotting her vision.

When she woke up, she was laying on a scratchy cot in the infirmary.

"Oh thank Merlin!" she'd heard. Pansy had looked over to see the Weasley girl sitting next to her with a look of concern and joy on her face.

"What happened?"

Immediately, Ginny's face had turned red and she'd smacked her on the leg. Pansy had yelped.

"Why the hell would you cut yourself? You could've died!"

"And?" Pansy hadn't really cared at the time, but she did now.

"You wanted to die?"

Pansy had flinched at the heartbroken sound of Ginny's voice.

"No," she had sighed. "But I wasn't going to stop it."

They were quiet until after Madam Pomfrey had checked (lectured) her.

"Why'd you do it?" Ginny had asked once she had left. Pansy had glared at her fiercely..)

"Lots of reasons."

"You know, life gets better, but it gets worse if you keep cutting." Ginny hadn't look at her while she said it. Pansy had scoffed.

"Sure, Weasley. Like I could take your word for it." When she saw her open her mouth to retort, she continued. "Besides, it was the first time in a while." Ginny had had this look on her face that made her look away. It was like she had been trying to not be repulsed by her.

"You can take my word for it." She had then pulled up her robe sleeve to show Pansy several well-faded scars on her wrist. Not knowing what to say, Pansy hadn't replied.

Soon after, Ginny started being there for her; making sure she got enough to eat, helping her with homework, and talking about meaningless things to keep her distracted from her problems. They never really discussed their issues and Pansy never wanted to bring it up. Their friendship was rather fragile to her. If she said the wrong thing, she worried that Ginny would leave her alone again. Of course, Ginny's friends were always trying to convince the redhead that Pansy was a backstabbing Death Eater, but Ginny has been there for her.

"Pans, we're here."

Pansy snapped out of her reverie and looked out the window to see parents and children alike waiting on Platform 9 ¾. She nodded and stood to get her luggage. As she grabbed the handle of her trunk, she noticed the song has changed to something else.

"___Just stay strong_

___'Cause you know I'm here for you_

___I'm here for you_

___There's nothing you could say_

___Nothing you could do_

___There's no other way_

___When it comes to the truth_

___So keep holding on_

___'Cause you know we'll make it through_

___Make it through__"_

Pansy smiled as she got off the Hogwarts Express, but that smile quickly slid off her face when she saw how many parents were there to greet their children. She walked her way through the crowd before setting down her trunk. She looked around for her legal guardian for a minute, but gave up and sat on her trunk. Stroking her anxious owl, she sighed.

"Looks like we've been left again, Violette."

"Pansy!"

She looked up to see her redheaded friend running her way. Ginny came to a stop, panting.

"I wanted to ask you something."

She raised an eyebrow. "Okay?"

The Weasley spent a few moments trying to catch her breath. Pansy looked around for her guardian again, but upon realizing she wasn't there, looked back at Ginny.

"I know that you said that you were staying with a Ministry appointed guardian, but my dad just told me that he talked with them after I owled him the other day and it took them forever to reply. You know how it is at the Ministry nowadays."

"Ginny, get to the point."

She blushed and cleared her throat. "I was wondering if you wanted to stay with me and my family for a while," she rushed out.

Pansy stared at her. She really wanted her, of all people, to stay with them?

"Why?"

Ginny looked at her like she was speaking Gobbledegook . "Because you're my friend."

Pansy tried not to show the joy that spread through her at those words. "Are you sure this is alright with your family?"

Ginny nodded and pointed to them. Some were smiling and waving at them, but there were a few that glared. Pansy saw the furious look on the one standing nearest to the famous Harry Potter. Ginny must have seen the look on her face because she squeezed her arm and smiled.

"It's okay. Ron holds grudges against Slytherins. He'll get over it. Come on, I'll introduce you."

Still not sure, Pansy hesitantly grabbed Violette's cage and her trunk before walking over with her friend. A tall, wiry man held out a hand to her.

"Hello, Ms. Parkinson. My daughter seems to be very fond of you." he said, smiling politely. She looked at him for a moment before putting down the bag and shaking his hand.

"It's," she said hesitantly, "nice to meet you, Mr. Weasley."

The guilt she had had when she first became Ginny's friend rose up again. Though she had tormented the Weasley children for being blood-traitors, she had gotten over it by the time she went back to Hogwarts. Of course, Ginny's friends never let her forget it. At any chance they got, they made her feel like an even worse person. Once, she had accidentally brought it up to Ginny and she went ballistic, storming off before Pansy could do anything. They never bothered her after that.

"You're all skin and bones, deary. I hope you like roasted beef because it's the only way to fatten you up," a woman said cheerily. Pansy ignored Ginny groaning and hoped she wasn't insulted.

"I've never actually eaten roasted beef."

Mrs. Weasley gasped while one of Ginny's brothers laughed. Pansy smiled. Maybe she'd like it here after all.


End file.
